Jakob Montrasio’s Net.

Sex And The City: The Movie or How To Destroy 6 Seasons in 148 Minutes.

// August 18th, 2008 // 2 Comments » // Videography, Videography - Digital Versatile Disc, Videography - Reviews

Marriage makes you do things you never thought you’d do. Like watching TV series such as Sex And The City or Desperate Housewives. But, as it is normal in a relationship, you compromise. My wife watches testosterone filled action movies with me every once in a while and I watch female movies that make me want to rip my eyes and ears out in return.

But I’d be lying if I’d say that I didn’t enjoy Sex And The City.

10 minutes or so into the first episode of the very first season, I was tempted to stand up and throw myself out of the window. But as we continued with the second and third episode, I slowly started to like it and to got rid of my hate. If you look over the boring fashion stuff in the series - as a man, of course - it’s quite an interesting show with more and more deep characters. And you can learn oh so much about women, seriously, it’s helpful.

Over the seasons, all the characters are faced with realistic problems and their friendship gets them through it. While it’s sometimes too american with all the emotions and stuff, it keeps on getting better and bigger, introducing more and more characters and poking fun at a lot of things. One episode, where Carrie has to fix her Mac even got me laughing real hard… Well done.

So, when the DVD with the movie finally got out in Shanghai two days ago, I immediately bought it and watched it that very same night with my wife, who had been looking forward to see it since I teased her with the first released trailer.

During the opening credits, I already got a bad feeling. They actually tried to introduce the most important characters of the show in two minutes or so, showing some snapshots of the seasons - but not really telling anything at all. You got the names, alright. But try to explain Samantha in 25 seconds. Her character is way too complex to be explained in that short amount of time. Or the hardships that Charlotte or Miranda went through in those six great seasons.

Wouldn’t it have been better to just say nothing, so that people who don’t know the series at all can build their own idea of them?

And then, this dump of a story started. Carrie wants to marry Mister Big, Mister Big wants to marry Carrie… And on the wedding day, Mr. Big doesn’t get out of his car? And Carrie leaves him? Huh? What did just happen?

Right there, after that scene, we should have taken the DVD out and burned it on the spot. But we didn’t, we continued to watch the movie and watched how it destroyed all the things the series build up in such a long time. Now it is one thing to have a bad story. But to change characters completely to get some dramatic story line going is just way out of borders. It’s not fair towards the fans.

Why in the hell would Mr. Big not get out of the car? The whole series, he has been the one chasing Carrie, he was the one who always knew exactly what he wanted and how to get it. Carrie would maybe not get out of the car, but Mister Big? Are you kidding me?

Well, from then on, everything felt fake. And characters like Harry, who were really cool in the series, were completely left out and got like 5 scenes totally. What the hell. But I guess to show a horny dog eff the hell out of pillows is funnier.

But the very worst of it all is that they actually pulled off to show the ending of the movie, that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve seen this year so far. I wont spoil it, but damn, Hollywood. It’s an insult to anyone with a IQ over 50.

Director and writer Michael Patrick King really managed to mess everything up in 148 minutes. It’s a mystery to me why they accepted this screenplay in the first place and why they didn’t let Darren Star, the TV series writer, edit it. But I guess all the brands featured in the movie payed really well and none of the actors are getting any younger…

Let’s just hope they don’t make a second movie, as the rumors tell…

Shanghai crippled by Olympia.

// August 4th, 2008 // 1 Comment » // People's Republic of China, Photography - Shanghai, Videography - Digital Versatile Disc

My brother’s in town during his summer vacation, and that was reason enough to visit a fake market yesterday. He wants to stock up on some nice things. We went to the nearest one on Nanjing road, but were shocked to learn that Olympia has reached even to there. No watches available. No DVD’s. No fake iPhones. Nada.

Of course, they have insane amounts of faked T-Shirts and other cheap stuff, but it felt liked a half-hearted fake market. And the shop keepers seemed kind of silent - I was asked to ‘looky looky’ only three times, and we spend almost an hour there. Weird. Really weird. And police! We passed police guys like three or four times. The security seems rather strong there at the moment, too.

So we only bought half of what we wanted, we didn’t find any fake Nike shoes (what!), only these fugly Crocs everywhere and 90’s Converse sneakers. Back to the future, baby. I wonder what the shopkeepers eat during Olympia, their income will probably be pretty low.

Then we went to two different DVD stores, while I really want that new Angelina Jolie movie WANTED my brother wanted some TV-series. WANTED is out on the net as a downloadable DVD image, so I was pretty sure that the stores would have a DVD-9 already. Wrong.

They told me that until after Olympia, there will be no new movies arriving. None.

And last week, I went to a pharmacy to buy some stomach ache fighting medicine for my wife which I had bought there before, only to learn that you now need to go to the hospital to buy certain kinds of medication - ‘until Olympia is finished’.

Damn. I never thought that this 800 kilometer far away event would ever really ‘touch’ my life in some way. But it does. Not in a good way.

DVD9: In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale.

// February 25th, 2008 // No Comments » // Videography - Digital Versatile Disc, Videography - Reviews

Jason Statham plays a farmer called Farmer (no joke) who has to go on a mission to save the world, after an evil sorcerer (Ray Liotta) decides to take over it. His son gets killed on the way along and his wife captured. There’s also Burt Reynolds as some dumb king as well as men in suits who are supposed to be a warrior race called “Krugs”. The cinematography has written Lord Of The Rings all over it but can’t deliver - the script and editing are just too confusing. The action scenes are well done but cut too hectic. Even Leelee Sobieski didn’t seem to understand the story, thus here weird facial expressions all the time.

But I can’t really write a fair review, since we stopped watching this mess in the middle. It’s simply unwatchable. I had a couple of other unwatched movies who all started screaming “watch me!” after just three minutes.

Audio:

Stereo english, clearly recorded in a cinema.

Video:

Okay…

Subtitles:

Horrible messy english subtitles and chinese.

Female view:

I had to talk my wife out of divorcing me after this debacle…

Best moment:

Pushing the eject button on the remote.

Conclusion:

It’s more fun to invest the 9 or 10 kuai this disc will cost you into two line 1 subway tickets during rush hour.

Covers:

Crazy Stone.

// August 9th, 2006 // No Comments » // Videography, Videography - Digital Versatile Disc, Videography - Reviews

Mit Crazy Stone hat Ning Hao nun seinen zweiten Film fertiggestellt - und wurde Teil eines Experiments: Warner Brothers China hat sich des Filmes angenommen, und startete einen Versuch gegen das mit Raubkopien überzogene Land: Weniger als zwei Wochen nach Filmstart veröffentlichte Warner bereits eine Original DVD zu dem Film, um die Raubkopierer auszutricksen. Mit Erfolg! Der Film spielte nicht nur fast das vierfache seiner Kosten von 400.000 Euro im Kino wieder ein, sondern verkaufte sich wohl auch auf DVD sehr gut.

Doch genug zu den Hintergrundfakten, kommen wir zum Film selbst. Crazy Stone ist ein “Heist” Film. Ein Film, in dem etwas gestohlen werden soll, wie in Ocean’s Eleven etwa, um den vielleicht bekanntesten Heist Film als Beispiel zu nennen. Mehrere Individuen sind an einem Stein aus Jade interessiert, an jenem Crazy Stone, auf den der Titel schon hinweist. Dieser ist einen guten Batzen Geld wert, dieser wird sehr gut bewacht. Doch dies hindert die Diebe nicht daran, mit wenig Gehirn und viel Wahnsinn loszulegen: Da robben sich die einen durch die matschige Kanalisation, da kopiert einer Tom Cruises Seilakt aus Mission: Impossible, vermisst sich aber. Da gibt es den Fotografen, der mit dem billigsten aller Tricks Erfolg hat, da ist der Wächter, der seit Tagen nicht mehr aufs Klo kann, … Wenn ich weiter aufzähle, verrate ich zu viel. Nur soviel: Es gibt einiges zum lachen.

Crazy Stone wird dem Titel gerecht, der Film ist wirklich schräg und verrückt. Die Story ist zwar einfach und relativ vorhersehbar, aber die vielen völlig kaputten Figuren bringen viel Humor ins Spiel. Dazu kommen die unglaublich tristen, aber ehrlichen HD-Bilder aus der chinesischen Großstadt Chongqing. Am Soundtrack hätte man noch etwas feilen können, aber für einen 400.000 Euro teuren Independent Film wirklich ein toller Auftakt.

Hoffen wir, dass Warner den Film und das Ergebnis als Erfolg feiert und in China kräftig weiterproduziert! Und bei dem nächsten Film die 5 Minuten lange, nicht überspringbare Anti-Raubkopie Werbung auf der DVD weglässt. Ich habe doch das Original gekauft - macht nicht den gleichen Scheiss wie die “Raubkopierer sind Verbrecher” Vollidioten, bitte.